Re: Dear Sherlock Cast (Or What REALLY Happens In Sherlock's Universe)
by shnuffeluv
Summary: Yeah, total crack fic, 'cause I'm bored. Off-screen things that might happen in the Sherlock Universe, or responses to what WE think happens...sorry, really sick and desperate for something to do, so I created this.
1. Johnlock

Johnlock

Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

No, I'm NOT gay, stop "shipping" "Johnlock" every other fiction. WE ARE NOT A COUPLE!

-John

* * *

Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

Secretly, I think he's pleased about it.

SH

* * *

Re: Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

No, I'm not, Sherlock! Don't put words in my mouth!

-John


	2. A Study In

A Study In...

Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

If you can't come up with an original title, could you please at least find something more creative than "A Study In..." I hear enough about that from John's blog.

-SH

* * *

Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

If you need title ideas, I'd be happy to help.

-JW

* * *

**This is in no way meant to insult any author who uses "A Study In..." in their title. I'll admit, it's hard to come up with them, but it's just used so often in seems the easy way out nowadays. Sorry if your offended. I just see it like that.**


	3. Mystrade

Mystrade

Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

...No comment.

-Mycroft

* * *

Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

Uh...sorry, whoever you are, but I've met Mycroft maybe _twice_ and...he's just...not my type.

We totally aren't together.

-Greg Lestrade

* * *

Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

Sounds like Mycroft really did find himself a goldfish.

Knew it!

-Sherlock

**I don't know, okay?! When I need an outlet and my muse escapes me, I write in this. I don't expect it to be funny or great or ****_whatever_****. I just use it to clear my head. But...maybe a review to help me not feel so bad about dumping terrible writing about Mystrade on you so next time it might not be so terrible?**

**Maybe?**

**I could use the feedback...**

**...Guys?**


	4. Adlock

Adlock

Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

May as well rub it in, seeing as how I completely humiliated myself and no one I've met so far has the sympathy to consider Sherlock was the one who didn't want me.

-Irene XOXO

* * *

Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

Sorry, but what makes you think that I'd allow her back in my life, if I won't even allow her in my head?

-SH

**As per request by Rainclaw, (thank you for saying that this wasn't terrible, BTW) I have labeled these at the top of the page now as well as in the chapter name. Just so it's clearer.**


	5. Sherlock x OC

Sherlock x OC As Per Request by Khione'sKid.306

Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

Do you know the problem with an OC? No matter how hard you try, it's always a self portrait.

-SH

P.S. If you want to have someone be in love with me or whatever, kindly keep it to yourself, thank you.

* * *

Re: Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

Ahem...I believe he just stole some thing that belongs to me.

-Irene XOXO

**Did I forget to mention that I take requests? If so, I take requests! And thanks to Rainclaw and Khinoe'sKid.306 for believing in my skill, even when I don't!**


	6. Mormor

Mormor As Per Request by Rainclaw

Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

Fascinating. You know nothing about this man you're pairing me with, and making it up as you go along, yet you make him how you want with such conviction. If you try to change me to fit him, though, consider yourself dead. I'll O U fall.

-JM

* * *

Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

I'm sorry, but at least learn a little about me before you make complete assumptions about who I'd like to have a relationship with.

...Though, Jim can be really impressive sometimes.

Forget I just said that.

-SM


	7. Sheriarty

Sheriarty As Per Request by TheGyrhan

Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

Sorry, no. Just...NO. The man tried to kill John, Mrs. Hudson, Lestrade, John...did I mention John?

Not happening.

Ever.

-SH

P.S. This is in no way to mean I'd rather go out with John, he's married, but, still. Never happening, he tried to kill my best friend.

* * *

Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

I wonder what it would be like though, he and I together...

I'd still have to burn him, though.

But I do know one thing:

He missed me. ;)

-JM

**I wish I could acknowledge everyone individually at the bottom of the fic still, but it's just going to get far too crazy. So, if you leave a request, I'll try to honor it, and if you just leave something saying you enjoy this, many thanks and internet hugs!**

**~shnuffeluv**


	8. Substance Abuse Fics

Substance Abuse Fics As Per Request by Rainclaw

Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

Go ahead, rub it in. I was wrong about Sherlock being a junkie. And I really should've seen him relapsing right before Magnussen and...Mary happened. But don't make it out to be worse than it already is. That's just rubbing salt on a wound. Which is also an ineffective way to stop bleeding, don't ever try it.

-JW

* * *

Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

I'm clean. Have been for quite a while, actually.

And even if I weren't, you should know that I am not that bad, or that desperate.

...Probably, anyway.

-SH

**Never, ever, _ever_ do drugs. Or underage drinking. Or drinking/texting and driving. Obligations filled!**


	9. Mollcroft

Mollcroft

Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

*blushes* What? What are you talking about? I mean, sure, Mycroft is everything about Sherlock that I liked wrapped in a gentlemanly manner and knows how to treat a woman with respect...but that's not to say that we are going out!

...I just blew it, didn't I?

-Molly H

* * *

Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

Well, at least this "ship" is marginally better than "Mystrade."

...Marginally.

-Mycroft

* * *

To: Molly Hooper

Subject: Tact and Social Graces

Molly, love, remind me to teach you how to be discreet sometime, it's become obvious that is something we need to work on. (Especially when people ask you about your relationships.)

-Myc XO

**In case you couldn't guess, I'm a huge shipper of Mollcroft. In fact, this might be sad to say, Mollcroft is my OTP. (Don't ask, please. It just is.)**


	10. Crack Vids

Crack Vids

Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

...

WHAT.

-The Whole Cast of Sherlock

* * *

**It was bound to happen, and I couldn't think of anyway else that they could respond that wouldn't be OOC.**


	11. Wholock

WhoLock

**Normal type=Sherlock**

**_Italics=John_**

**Underline=The Doctor**

**Bold=The Lovely Author of This...Thing**

Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

I'm sorry, I just don't see how anything like that could happen. I mean, just the mere...laws of...physics to...defy...

JOOHHHHNNN! Why did a 1960's Police Box just appear in the kitchen?!

_I have no idea, Sherlock. Ask it. It must have come here for a reason, and it looks like it came on its own._

*door creaks open*

Oh! Hello! I heard someone talking about doing something with me without asking my permission first. That's a bit rude, you know!

Sherlock and John: _... _...

But rest assured, you have my permission now! Go on and have fun!

*door slams shut*

...Sorry, where was I?

-SH


	12. SuperWhoLock

SuperWhoLock As Per Request by Rainclaw

Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

"Keep calm

Grab the Salt

Don't Blink

& TXT Sherlock"?

What are you talking about? I don't understand.

-JW

* * *

Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

I...two out of these three things defy all logic except the logic of the people involved with them, and I can't say that the third one makes complete sense either. Besides, like I could handle that much stupid in the room anyway.

-SH

* * *

Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

Why aren't we included in the addressees for this letter? We have the most impact on this group, you know, we deserve to get mentioned!

And please don't have Dean hitting on Cas and nothing else to add to the story. We get enough of that purely between him and Cas in our individual fics.

-The Supernatural Cast

* * *

Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

I agree with the Supernatural cast on the first point. And as another comment, I think this would be kind of fun to experience, except for the fact I have enough enemies on my list already, and I don't want anymore. I can hardly travel anywhere in the universe anymore.

-The Doctor

* * *

Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

Don't look at me, I'm still trying to get used to the normal DW fics out there, and all those with the 12th Doctor when I don't even understand "regeneration" after I asked the Doctor about it. He paled a little when he heard about his regenerating, and mumbled something about getting a new cycle.

I'm already clinging to sanity by a thread without throwing more problems and people into the mix.

-Clara

**I don't watch Supernatural, so I'm sorry if this isn't entirely accurate. I just couldn't find a crash course out there and had to guess.**


	13. Long-Lost Family

Long-Lost Siblings or Kids As Per Request The Gyrhan

Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

No, we don't have any long-lost sisters/brothers/daughters/sons here. We're crazy and an overly-complicated soap opera, but we're not THAT much of a crazy and over-complicated soap opera.

Sincerely,

The Sherlock Cast

* * *

Re: Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

Well, I did hear Mycroft saying something about "the other one" once...

And he and the other man were talking about...

Oh...

OH!

-SH

**Ha ha, Sherlock. Do you think that "the other one' is a brother or sister? My complicated story is that Jim is "the other one", and he ran away from the Holmes' home before Sherlock was born or when he was an infant (due to the difference in age between Mycroft and Sherlock,) so Mycroft would remember him but Sherlock wouldn't. Besides, this gives an easy reason for why Jim's intelligence rivals Sherlock's. Jim grew up on the street, shrinking his already small amount of empathy and compassion, turning him psychopathic. When Mycroft found out about this, he tried to get Jim back into their family, showing his sentiment and soft side, but Jim took advantage of this to get information about Sherlock to destroy him. Hence, Mycroft insists his comment about Sherlock is not sentiment, because the last time he gave in to it, Sherlock had to go into hiding for 3 years.**

**Complicated? I have more theories, but maybe I should save those for another time, if I share them at all. =)**


	14. Khanlock

Khanlock

Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

Um...let me get this straight. You think that I'm a psychopathic space terrorist who tries to save his crew who've been cryogenically frozen for a couple centuries, and...uh...I'm not even going to finish that.

-SH

* * *

Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

Personally, ignoring the plot of the whole movie, I think Sherlock would be Vulcan, not human. I wonder if he's human _now_, and we don't have...whatever it is Star Trek calls its crazy-aliens-everywhere-doing-everything idea.

-JW


	15. The Mustache

The Mustache As Per Request by kathaka9

Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

I don't shave for Sherlock Holmes. I don't even shave for all of you who obsess over whether or not I have facial hair.

I shave for ME. Understand? M-E. ME.

-JW

* * *

Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

Personally, I'm glad that everyone told him to shave it. I never had the heart to break it to him.

-MW

**a) MW Is for Mary Watson, since on the show she is technically married to John, so...yeah.**

**b) Since I couldn't decide on whether to do the mustache or Mycake (Mycroft x cake) I'm making both! I probably would have done both anyway, but these were just too good to pass up.**


	16. Mycake

Mycake (Mycroft x Cake) As Per Request by kathaka9

Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

I...Why?! I do not...have a relationship...romantic OR OTHERWISE...with an inanimate object...especially this one, since it lasts about a week...in the air!

*Stupid cake crumbs getting all over the STUPID KEYBOARD!*

-MH

* * *

Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

Truthfully? It's been an on-off relationship. He loves me, but not what I do to him. We've had to go through several bouts of diets and treadmill incidents...but we make it work.

-Cake

**This ship is so hilarious it's almost not funny.**


	17. Sherlolly

Sherlolly As Per Request by Bella Cuore

Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

Molly? Really? Why would I date her? Sure, she counts, but not like _that..._

Although, the situation you pose could be interesting, I suppose...

-SH

* * *

Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

Anyone else you want to pair me with? Maybe I rebound with Moriarty? Or go out with Lestrade?! Or even stoop so low as to try John?!

*SLAP*

-Molly H

* * *

Re: Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

Molly?! Where did that come from?! I've always been nice to you, do I really deserve to be lower than Moriarty?!

-JW


	18. AUs

AUs As Per Request by Arty Diane

Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

Okaaaaayyyy...

First Off: Almost none of those stories you create and call "AUs" are even possible.

Second: Most of your "ships" you have me in qualify as "AUs" but you don't label them as such.

Third: Being a nerd, I can appreciate some of the theories, but...

Lastly: What's so wrong with the universe that we're in that you feel compelled to pen a new one for us to live in?

-SH

* * *

Re: Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

Oh, lighten up, Sherlock! Most of us actually appreciate those stories, since it isn't happening to us...but another set of "us"es.

We're free from their insanity!

-The Rest of The Sherlock Cast

**One of the best memes I've ever seen:**

**How to sum up the Sherlock fandom in five words:**

**"Prolonged exposure drove them insane."**

**P.S. Guys! I finally got off my lazy butt and discovered tumblr! My username there is the same as my pen name here.**


	19. FunnySatireParody

Funny/Satire/Parody Sherlock As Per Request by Indigo55

Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

Uh...well, you see, um...

Wedon'tunderstandwhyyou'remakingthese. Evenifsomeofthemarefunny/angsty/fluffywedon'tquitegetit.

...But that isn't to say we don't want more!

-The Sherlock Cast

**Parodies are really interesting! I saw one with Sherlock/The Cat In The Hat. I laughed so hard.**


	20. Kidlock

KidLock

Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

I have to give you credit, you get some of the minor details down pat on our lives. But Sherlock and I didn't meet until much later, and if we hadn't, I'm not sure I would've been friends with him, quite honestly. He seems like he'd be the person I'd be avoiding in the halls.

-JW

* * *

Re: Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

And what's THAT supposed to mean, John?!

-SH

* * *

Re: Dear Sherlock Cast,

You are horrible at guessing the difference between Sherlock's and my own age.

-MH


End file.
